Inspired by a recent heated debate with my friend Cordelia (during which she proclaimed, I hope we can still be friends!) about whether a certain character in BBC One’s Poldark is ‘drippy’ or extremely gorgeous (he’s gorgeous), I have devised a little quiz so that you can determine who your 18th century Cornwallian man would be in the likely event that you found yourself in the world of Poldark.
*Don’t worry – there are no spoilers in this post!*
Have at it, ladies and gents!
What’s your ideal physical type?
a.) I’m all about a dark, shirtless man in a tricorne hat with subtle facial scarring and giant hair.
b.) Gimme a fancy boy in heels who smells of insecurity and baseless jealousy.
c.) I’m all in when it comes to sickly, sexy manboys with floppy hair, heroin-chic physiques, and beautiful faces.
d.) I’ll take a blue-eyed, baby-faced, tall and handsome man who exudes strong moral fiber thankyouverymuch.
e.) I have no self esteem and am into cartoonishly disgusting looking pervs.
2. Describe your ideal Saturday night.
a.) Sitting alone/with your ridiculous housekeeper until you receive word that your lover’s latest plot to save Cornwall (that he didn’t see fit to tell you about) has gone terribly wrong and you are needed to step in.
b.) Hanging out with your lover who obsessively mutters various complaints about ‘Ross Poldark’ into his bowl of porridge and punches the air with his fists. Rest assured, he will also be calling you ‘Ross’ later in bed.
c.) Lounging by a roaring fire whilst your lover looks at you adoringly and whispers bad poetry in your ear and makes thinly veiled suicide threats.
d.) Spending a romantic evening with your infatuated lover, knowing that he will likely be called away for some charity doctoring in the neighbourhood at 2am.
e.) Having your toes sucked by a sniveling and sniffing Dickensian villain.
3. How would you describe your dream mate’s favourite pastime?
a.) Looking people in the eye silently and meaningfully from across the room.
b.) Looking people in the eye silently and meaningfully from across the room.
c.) Looking people in the eye silently and meaningfully from across the room.
d.) Looking people in the eye silently and meaningfully from across the room.
e.) Looking through a peephole like a wanker.
4.) What’s your lover’s most likely occurrence of death.
a.) Hanged for a rebellious deed – finally!
b.) Spontaneous combustion from unfounded obsession.
c.) A broken heart (and leeches).
d.) Diseased by one of the unwashed masses he has helped, like Scarlett O’Hara’s mom.
e.) Too vigorously participating in activity mentioned in question #3, answer e…. obviously.
5. Which image most appeals to you?
If you picked mostly…
Well, look at you–you got the hero of the tale. Too bad he’s a big ol’ cheater. But he’s loved by the people and, let’s be honest, very good looking. Enjoy that body while you can…who knows when he’ll next ride off into the sunset!
Errrr at least you’ll be financially well off? Just know that you will always come second to Ross in his heart. Honestly, he cannot shut up about Ross or stop scheming against him. It is concerning.
I mean, what can I say–I admire your questionable manchild tastes that are entirely in line with mine. This kid is a beaut and devotee! Not at all drippy! I would leave Ross for this going-blind-poet in a second if I were Demelza! Who can resist an invalid?
Doctor Dwight Enys
You really hit the jackpot with this one. Dwight is just…. the best. He’s all adorable and noble. Perfect. A perfect human man. Really too good for me, if I’m honest. *sobs into her hands*
Reverend Osborne Whitworth
Oh man…. there is something seriously wrong with you. Like, seriously. You should probably go speak to someone about it (a professional, not me, please).
Please share your results with us in the comments! And have a good week!
PS I’m a bad person, unworthy of Dr Enys, and none of these images are mine….