8 Ways My Husband Is Not Like Ross Poldark

Dust off your tricorn hat!

In celebration of my beloved husband’s birthday today, I decided it would be reasonable to provide you with a useful list of ways in which he does not resemble Ross Poldark from the well-acted, hyper-realistic, and dialogue-rich BBC drama Poldark.

1. Does Not Scythe Shirtless

As established in a previous post, B shares Poldark’s passion for scything. But, sadly for me and our upstairs neighbours, B prefers to do his scything with a shirt on. Anyway, we all know that Ross’s abs are painted on and that real men use Marigolds when wielding the scythe-thingy.

2. Does Not Work in a Mine

Although this is apparently a really sexy job, I have no regrets that B is not a miner as it appears to be rather dangerous and not very lucrative.

3. Is Not From Cornwall

B also hails from the bonny Southwest, but he’s a Devonian! Which is great because, as everyone knows, ‘Cornish pasties’ actually come from Devon. How you like them pasties, Ross?!

4. Does Not Insult My Cooking

Speaking of pasties, unlike Poldark’s rude bastard-esque comments about Demelza’s cooking, B has never insulted any of the food I have lovingly prepared for him. Probably BECAUSE I’D KILL HIM.

5. Does Not Engage in Dramatic Staredowns With Rivals

Whilst B has had his fair share of inexplicable one-sided rivalries (as any talented and compelling person would), he does not make a daily habit of walking into the pub, locking eyes with said rival, and standing motionlessly thus for what feels like 10 awkward minutes. Ross Poldark on the other hand does this ALL THE TIME.

6. Is Not Patronising to Scullery Maid Wife

Again like Ross, B decided to marry a scullery maid (American). But unlike Ross, B does not stomp around the house uttering ‘De-MEL-za’ in an exasperated tone whilst rolling his eyes and asserting that I couldn’t possibly understand why it is necessary that he go pillage on the beaches again. Fortunately.

7. Has Not Banged Cousin’s Wife

Even more fortunately, B has never gotten on his horse in front of my face and galloped away to obviously go and have sex with his dead cousin’s wife. This means a lot to me, more than I could ever express.

8. Can, On Occasion, Not Be Too Proud

Don’t get me wrong–B is pretty prideful. But compared to seemingly pointlessly  and absurdly prideful Poldark, B appears fairly reasonable! For example, B’s pride does not preclude him from sitting down with me on Sunday nights and watching new episodes of the increasingly ridiculous series that is Poldark. I have a sneaking suspicion that he might rather be watching Match of the Day.

Happy Birthday, my darling! I’m so glad you’re not just like Ross Poldark!

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I’m not inclined to clutter this post with a Weekes Word, but as they are B’s favourite feature of my blog (and it is his birthday after all) here ya go. I can’t remember how this one came up? For some reason, B asked me about ‘hokum’ and I said I’ve never of heard of that word, it must be British, what are you on about! Days later without thinking (as usual) I used the word ‘hokey’ … an Americanism that obviously comes from hokum. Whoops!

Hokum: origin unknown, possibly a combo of hocus-pocus and bunkum and meaning pretentious nonsense; writing, music, etc., that is too dramatic or sentimental and not very original. Ex: Although B felt that Poldark was a load of hokum, he endured the show out of love for his very lucky wife.

xWG // #dazeandweekes