New Year, New Leaves

Longtime readers of this illustrious publication know how much I love idea of turning over a new leaf, a new year. As this New Year’s Eve finds me in bed lying on bags of frozen vegetables unable to work, I am forcing myself to seize the opportunity and write to you. For the first time in two years!!!!!!!!

My oh my, what can I say? Clearly I don’t know, since I’ve started and abandoned approximately a bagillion posts in this two year period. But I’ve been inspired recently by the pleasure I get from reading my friend Brittany’s Substack every week. I relate to so much of her journey, her anxieties, her tendencies, and it’s nice to have that voice in my inbox along with the 800 daily emails from Michael’s and Target and the right wing political “news”letters my mother kindly subscribed to with my email address.

So, here I am.

I have so much to look forward to this year. I’ve been working on the embroidery side of Winter-Maker again and am hoping to take some baby steps towards growing my business. I’m performing in a reading in January and hope to have more theatrical job opportunities in the following months. I am still plugging away at my serving job, but it is a good environment supportive of my creative endeavours. And for the first time in a very long time–like a decade–I am in love. Being with the right person has helped me to understand that my anxiety tried to protect me from the wrong people in the past. Through him I’ve shed some of the absolute dread I often feel about the future. We have an ongoing list of simple moments we want to share and experience together, and it gives me hope. It’s never too late to find your soulmate.

I’m not predicting that this year will be perfect and easy and I’ll finally have the answers and kick depression. I remain haunted and triggered by past traumas, my quest for purpose and security and safety is endless, and I feel total despair every time a show closes that I’ll never perform again. But I’ve begun to craft an existence that is not born out of fear and desperation, and that is no small thing.

xW

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I’m going to take a page out of Brittany’s book/Substack and sign off with some currents.

Currently Reading: The Forsyte Saga by John Galsworthy. This thing is hella long, so I’ll likely be reading it for awhile. Except I hope to spend more time reading in the New Year, so we’ll see! I’m so far enjoying the typically Victorian narrative and cast of characters.

Currently Crafting: I’ve got some leftover Christmas citrus dehydrating in the oven. It’s giving me a reason to stay up until midnight. (Well, that and getting to hear my dreamboat’s voice in the new year.) To dehydrate using an oven, cut the fruit into thin and even rounds and spread on parchment paper. Set the oven to 200 and let it roll hours and hours (you can periodically flip the pieces). Make sure all the juice is dried up so they don’t go moldy!!!

Currently Watching: I watched an indie film today called Scrapper. It’s about a little girl and her estranged father reconnecting. I found it touching, and Harris Dickinson is an alluring actor. It’s available for free on Paramount +

Wishing you all love and peace in the New Year,

Ali